Things happen ...

I found out last week that I have a hernia, this was devastating news for me. I know, I know it's not that bad of news it could have been worst but I was so close ... so close to my goal that i could taste it. I was finally entering the 3 months/12 week prep time and purchased my figure suit and was motivated to really hit this full force.

Out of nowhere I started having pain in my groin area and just ignored it as being the weather making my c-section scar act up ... it got worse ... I went and saw family doc he agreed that it was probably a hernia, it was confirmed through ultra sound ... but I think my biggest annoyance here is the fact that now I just have to wait and see a surgeon. People are telling me the waiting could be very long. I hate not knowing how long.

The unknown made me really think and after talking with my man and with my coach we agreed that it would be wise to take it down a notch and go on maintenance mode till I get this dealt with ... but it's killing me I am so scared of losing focus. No one understands the struggles i've had all my life trying to reach a goal and giving in to my little voices telling me to just give up and finally I've been focused and now I have to just coast until I can life heavy again which I have no idea when that will be.

I live in fear of losing my motivation getting back to that feeling where the gym is a chore. I was finally in a place where the gym was my happy place and lifting the little pink weight s at the gym just doesn't feel satisfying ... I have to keep encouraging myself to not push to hard ... It's hard when you spent 2 years now telling yourself COMMON MAX PUSH THROUGH THE PAIN and now I have to tell myself to calm down and take it easy. It feels so wrong.

I know, I know it's the right thing to do and that it will help my body heal or whatever not get worse but it's the mental part i'm scared of. Like it or not it's a phobia. It's only been a few months that my mind finally got it and transformed into that person that wants to be at the gym and I live in fear of losing that again. It might look easy, and people might think you just are that type of person that likes the gym naturally but I was never that person .. I needed a real pep talk to get going ... even now cardio is a struggle for me .. I much would rather lift ... Lifting has become a stress relief to me and maybe I had to much stress one day and thought I was superwoman and lifted way over my capabilities and it got me here but thats what felt good ...

So i'm on maintenance mode till further notice :(

I will not abandon this goal as I won't be happy till I follow through but I don't want to walk on stage just to walk on stage .. I am in this to win. so I will get ripped when the time comes ... you just wait ! :P

1 year anniversary !

Just a little update ... It was my 1 year Paleo anniversary. Yup been following this lifestyle for 1 year now, 3 months alcohol and dairy free. Things are going great wanted to share a progress photo you can see some muscles coming out and i'm pretty proud of that ... it's been a long and hard working year but when i see these pics it motivates me to keep on going. 

I got me some supps to help the process, Magnum Greens (this stuff I can already feel working it's magic), Glutamine, and BCAAs ... also taking multis, vitamin c, fish oil and EGG protein. 

Received my competition shoes, I have a posing seminar coming up, this should be interesting! haha meaning that I might fall flat on my face!